Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
