You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
