And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
