Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
