Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
