I accidentally had phone sex last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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