I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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