I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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