just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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