i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i believe in u and ur pee
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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