The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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