we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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