Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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