Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize