Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
