Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
