i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
