As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
