Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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