google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
