i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
