youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
