Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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