I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
