And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
