you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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