I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
