fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
