She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
