apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
