I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
