I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
