Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
