oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he shaved USA in his pubs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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