mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
