I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
