Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
