Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we made out on top of his cat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
