Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
