Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
