as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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