Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
