This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
