If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
