he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i've created a new STD.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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