She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
