im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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