Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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