When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
