I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
