Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
areolas are like halos for boobs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
