oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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