Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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