thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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