i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
